Assertiveness Training
Assertiveness training is for those women who, quite frankly, need to grow a spine.
Remember those bad guys who are looking for victims- and this means domestic abusers and abductor/rapists alike- are looking for those of little self esteem; women who don’t know how to say “no”, and mean it. This one skill alone is an important first step in self defense. You don't have to supply a reason for the refusal, either.
Non-verbal cues to those needing assertiveness training include:
- Down cast eyes
- Shifting weight
- Slumped body
- Ringing hands
Verbal clues include using phrases like: - I guess
- Maybe
- Would mind very much
- I wonder if you could
- It’s not really important
- I don’t mind
Can people coerce you into thinking their way and/or doing things you don’t want to do? Do you find it difficult to express your feelings or opinions due to anxiety about confrontation?
Assertiveness is the ability to express yourself and your rights without violating the rights of others. Assertive people know their rights and respect the rights of others.
Remember, everyone has the right to: - Say “no”
- Not have to give a reason for saying “no”
- Change our minds
- Stop people from making excessive demands on us
- Be alone
- Maintain our dignity in relationships
- Avoid manipulations by others
- Make mistakes and accept responsibility for them
To change these behaviors, here are some assertiveness training techniques. When saying “no”. Plainly say, “no” or “I don’t want to do it.” You may need to repeat it several times. Only give a reason if you feel that the person could benefit from it, not if they would simply present counter-arguments. Use the terms “I won’t” or I have decided not to”, rather than “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t”. Try to avoid apologizing for your decision. Other assertive behaviors include making good eye contact, stand firmly on both feet, use a strong steady voice. When speaking begin with personal pronouns :
- I think
- I want
- I feel
- Let’s.
Be direct. Talk personally to the person with whom you have issues- not to everyone else, hoping the message will get back to them. Have the courage to stand up for your beliefs and rights and the rights of others.
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