Domestic Violence

Knowledge of domestic violence is another piece of women's self defense.

Domestic violence is not uncommon . According to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey almost one-third of American women have reported being physically abused by a husband or boyfriend sometime in their lives.

30% of Americans claim to know a woman who has been a victim of domestic abuse. All races are equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate.

In 2001 more than half a million women were victims of non-fatal violence at the hands of an intimate partner. Three or more women are killed from domestic violence every hour in America. This is said to be America’s most predictable murder .

Let me list some of the warning signs- red flags, if you will- so that you too may be equipped to predict this crime before it happens to you or someone you love.

Some of these are no-brainers, like the last one. I won’t get near a guy who has beat other women. If I was already in a relationship and found that out I would be breaking it off ASAP- although, it may be too late to do it neatly, because these guys can’t let go.

Why don’t women leave? Good question. Some of them aren’t even sure of the answer. Women in abusive relationships become addicted to the feeling of relief when the beating ends. Do they believe he’ll change? Yes. They believe every beating is their last.

As Gavin De Becker writes in his excellent, intuitive book, The Gift of Fear, "The first time a woman is hit, she’s a victim and the second time she is a volunteer." Some don’t believe that they have a choice, but staying is a choice.

Staying for the sake of the children? Oh, please! When a daughter witnesses her mother except a beating, she learns to do the same. When a son sees a father deliver a beating, he also learns to do the same. And the cycle continues….

These women frequently describe their abusing partners as sweet, gentle, kind and attentive. When we fall in love we sometimes fail to see the faults of our partners. Perhaps this is why we should wait a while before make important commitments. Perhaps this is why abusers like to rush into commitment.

Domestic violence is not a crime of passion. 75% of spousal murder happens after a woman leaves. The legal system would recommend that a woman obtain a temporary restraining order or protection order. These methods are helpful when there is no history of violence in the relationship. Otherwise it may escalate it.

A woman must not assume that a piece of paper will protect her. She should only get one if she believes he will honor it. It will not stop him from committing murder. Many abusers have killed their wives right before or after she was awarded the TRO.

Remember he cannot accept rejection. Some of these men have subsequently committed suicide, also.

If a woman wants out of a violently abusive relationship the best thing to do would be to contact a battered woman’s shelter. These organizations know exactly how to help protect these women and their children. They understand the legalities involved with finances, also- as many of these women have no access to money. Domestic violence is a tricky subject. It may seem so obvious to everyone outside the relationship, but if the victim refuses to help herself, for whatever reason, trying to help could backfire badly!

Click here to read more about these related subjects:

Battered Woman Syndrome

Intimate Partner Violence

Spousal Abuse

Emotional Abuse

Sexual Assault

Teen Dating Abuse

Bullying

Violence in Society

Financial Abuse

Cyberstalking

If you would like more information on drug addiction and abuse, please visit us at Drug Addiction Family Recovery

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